Suffer Fools Gladly : On Dealing With Difficult People

As soon as i wake up,I'm like:

Pretext:

Then i gather myself and proceed with my morning rituals ( more on that,in another post).Constant Irritation and low tolerance was an issue that i battled with for years.I could not stand dumb/small/petty/cheap talk,moreover i also stayed away from groups that did that led me to become somewhat of a loner.Slightest of behavior or action or talk would get my goat.Watching everyone from my high horse i despised everyone.I lacked any fulfilling relations in my life and felt a constant spiritual void within me.

Needless to say my social life was in shambles because of this.Unconsciously,I took to sarcasm as a tool for coping with my social handicap,but that turned out to be even worse! People came up to me with their petty troubles,

My reaction would be like:

And End with:

There is a reason why i have quoted 2 Corinthians 11:19,after i became mature and aware of the world and its dynamics around me.I realized how things work in the real world and gradually starting adapting to it.After getting exposed to stoicism,I have:

1) Made Strong Friendships with multiple people

2)Multiple relationships with women

3)Come at peace with myself and the state of humanity around me

Still a long way to, i know...

But here are a 5 Steps how i made radical changes applicable to anyone on a similar path:

1). It starts with YOU! : Self-Love and Introspection:

You're Creeping me out,RDJ!

It is very hard to accept this fact,but if you're misanthropic or don't generally irritated with people,there's something about you deep down that you dearly resent.This loathing about that part of you is reflected in the hatred for others as well.Hence, what i learnt is how to love myself,i precisely got in touch with my inner-self (not that,ya perv!) through doing the activities i love to do (going old-school on 'em),met old friends from back in the day with whom i had lost contact.Taking out time to pen down my thoughts (in a journal/diary) and also meditated consistently that gave me profound insights into my own being.

After you know about yourself,learn to accept and celebrate your individuality,this will help you do the same in others,as you'll see no two people are the same and everyone has something to offer for you to learn,only if you were receptive enough.This will kick-start the process of socialization

2). Are those black moles?:Acknowledging your Follies & Faults

Contradictory,i hear you say? Not really,what i highlighted in the previous point was realistic and objective assessment of your personality and coming to grips with it.In this point,what i stress is that you should also be able to find out your shortcomings,weaknesses and cons in order to prevent you from getting all magnanimous about themselves.

This one was very important for me, as it showed that even i was a common mortal with his own flaws and follies.This rocked me off my high horse that i was riding on and brought me back to the ground ...face first! After you make this assessment, DO NOT BE DISCOURAGED!! View them as opportunities for your further growth as a human being and also learn to be humble.

This will annihilate your judgmental attitude towards others,because you know that you aren't sans the flaws you are pointing out in others and start seeing them in a more empathetic light.

3). They ain't mean it,yo!: Realizing the driving intentions behind unconscious behavior

Disclaimer:This is a few concepts that i still practically haven't mastered yet,but i understand it theoretically.

What many spiritual leaders (Sri Goenka,Eckhart tolle) have said that the root of all the violence,harassment and pain caused is due to unconscious behavior.Not clear yet,no probs.Think of a Bully or an overbearing and aggressive boss who is causing pain (through physical or other indirect methods) to other students/employees.This is mostly because the person (bully/boss) hasn't awakened his consciousness and isn't fully aware of his actual reality of being.Meaning if he knew who he actually is and was at peace with the inner and outer universe around him,it would be nearly impossible for him to hurt another being while he's aware of it.

So,most people that hurt,harass or abuse you don't actually mean it,they are just trapped inside the cage of their own contraption of anger/lust/bias,They aren't aware enough to objectively and spiritually gauge their actions,yet.This in no way means, that you put up with their crap,just don't react to it or try anything with the intention of hurting them.Otherwise,you shall fall into the same category.

4). RFLOL...LMFAO: Have a sense of humor 

I cannot stress enough how important a sense of humor is,to have a content,fulfilling and a joyous life.Understanding,that at the end of the day we are all flawed beings running after the illusory carrot while being stuck in a matrix is invaluable for stoic living.Seneca in his letters stressed that one of the strategies to deal with dicks is self-deprecating humor.Thus,learn to poke fun at yourself,this will not only defuse most hostile/aggressive stand offs but also keep your ego in check.

The stoics not only appreciated any caustic verbal abuse against them,but added to it,  This is a great strategy to catch your enemy off-guard and take advantage of his surprise through humor. So use this often and you won't find any reduction in self-belief/esteem but a drastic spurt in self-acceptance . This Video shows you how to:

5). F#%k it! Can't Change 'em: Coexisting peacefully sans changing one another

 This one is a hard pill to swallow (no homo!), most people who strongly believe in an ideology.world view/philosophy/thingamajig cannot stand seeing any opposition to theirs.Its an ego issue that doesn't allow them to accept people with other/opposing beliefs. Hence,they try to rally and impose their beliefs over others by proving they have a moral high-ground or any other bullshit method.Their ego for that belief is so strong that it doesn't allow them to even fathom for a moment that there can be anything other than that. 

The solution:  

Understand and accept that people are different and even their deepest beliefs are more or less a product of their upbringing and conditioning, hence they have a need to be accepted 'as one of their own' and the even the thought of alienation gives them a cold feet. Rarely are times, when the beliefs that are formed are a product of logical volition and intelligent introspective inquiry, in which case the person will be open to any addendum or opposition to his deepest held beliefs. So, now that you know this, don't try to change people as during the process you will squander your time,energy and morale and end up with an L on the counter.

Final Thoughts:

Do what you believe is right and let others be. Don't hold your breath to wait on them to lock steps with you any time soon. Do not expect anything from them and you'll be content,  and... Oh Yeah ...Be Nice too!

You Said it, RDJ!

Peace Out, Peeps!

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My PEP (Personal Emancipation Proclamation) Talk : Part 1, The Dents

“The moment that you feel that, just possibly, you’re walking down the street naked, exposing too much of your heart and your mind and what exists on the inside, showing too much of yourself. That’s the moment you may be starting to get it right.”

– Neil Gaiman

Damn...Lincoln got Swag!! 

 Disclaimer: If you're reading this, just know that i'm done with bullshitting.... psych!

So,What this post is about ?

Me,myself and I.

And,What's in it for you?

Growing synchronously with my assiduous hustle and Learning vicariously through my embarrassing  mistakes .

Still wanna go ahead....? Good choice.

Without further Ado, I'll start off with 3  dents(yes,like the ones on a golf ball)and do's (next post) during your PEP:

DENTS:

1) Don't leave it up-to THEM, get off your butt and get yours:
    

The issue:

Often times,when we try find our calling (yup,i'm going biblical on you suckas!).When we try to find what we are meant for doing this life and similar existential questions.It's easy to get sucked into and conform to the massive force of the majority.This may be religion,philosophy,cult,schools (of thought or lunacy). It is all seems very tempting and believable to our relatively unaware and unexposed mind,to conform and follow the flock,as we are persuaded,that THEY KNOW BETTER AND HAVE ALL THE ANSWERS !

THEY DON"T KNOW JACK SHIT! 

This might be a pretty bold statement coming from a newbie stoic, but almost all organized thingys (very articulate,i know) exist to conform ,promote obedience,limit and not liberate independent thinking and snuff intelligent inquiry and eventually flaunt the superiority of their ignorance over the ignorance of other thingys.
 If any organized institution you're involved in does the following:

-Doesn't allow questioning their fundamental tenets,

-Preach that this is the only way to achieve salvation (Absolutism)

-Showcase their values to be greater than contemporary institutions (superiority)

-Issues punishments in any form (guilt,penance,physical,social) for your sins

- If there's no backdoor option (allow you to quit)

Grab Your Nuts & Run!!
All I wanna Say is that...They Don't really care about US! 

Solution:

Keep a generally skeptical disposition for most popular/commercial and mass media related news/info or philosophies,use your own rational and logical apparatus to probe into the situation and then make the prognosis based on your experiential outcome.In short, Know for yourself!,this is especially pertinent and pivotal for intrinsic issues like: spirituality (that forms the foundation on which all other things are built upon), knowledge and calling (back to square one).If you want to make something of yourself,its upon YOU....period!


2) Don't Mix Business With Pleasure: Mind your MIND

  

The Issue: 

Most of the times,we don't understand the power of our minds.The Stoics knew it,hence they stresses upon daily meditations,nightly reflections and cultivating habits.Controlling our monkey brain,is the key to success,the time you let the reins loose,that's the time it runs amok making your life a living hell.You have to be conscious enough to know when you have to take control of your brain and when to let loose.Letting the brain alone with its own devices is detrimental to our growth.it can act up and reveal your true identity in places of business where exhibiting juvenile behavior can work against you.

My cringe-worthy lesson: 

College, is usually a place to study and blossom as responsible individuals with a renewed sense of identity.I however on the other side,made a girlfriend.The cherry on top of the poison cake was that she was in my class.Needless to say, after fooling around for a while,the relationship ended with a bitter break-up leaving a sour taste for each other.From that day on,until now i have faced countless awkward situations and embarrassing encounter with her just because,I had made the cardinal folly of mixing business pleasure.

The Anti-dote:

It is important to be cognizant of the circumstance and place.All the more important is to choose your battles,because you cannot win everything all the time.The habit of mediation on a long term helps you to analyze your actions and thoughts in the present from an objective viewpoint,which is immensely pivotal in many cases.Know what to do and when to do it, Do not be hasty in your judgement and actions,as they may have a grave aftermath later on which we shall regret and atone for the rest of our lives.


3) Don't Accept the Status Quo:
  
 The Issue:

The biggest issue that a human faces in this epoch is complacency and conformity.Since,all are primary needs are getting met through the modern amenities,we keep rubbing our bellies while we're laying on the recliner watching our favorite reality show while chatting with a friend and also completing our chemistry assignment.In short,we have completed all levels on maslow's hierarchy and simply dont have anything to look forward to.We don't dare to be brave,because that will mean a lot of effort to move from our current stage of helpless acceptance.We have simply lost the hunger of proving our worth through bold declaration of your proud identity and doing the work that makes your heart sing.

The Shaft Juice:

In order to change the status quo,you have to accept the reality brutally and totally.Huh? Contradictory Much? Nope,what i mean is that we have to see clearly the deep crap that we're stuck in and only then can we make moves to get out of the quick-sand.The Stoics had a vision,for a better tomorrow.That grand vision transcended the sense of self and encompassed all humanity in its glory and wished goodwill.We have to see the vision,that is true and pertinent to us and then make educated efforts towards achieving that vision.Another way of changing the status quo is,constantly striving to rebel against the establishment and looking for ways to transform the orthodoxy radically,hence making a paradigm shift  in the truest sense.

Bottom Line:
In order to do something new,you have to do something that hasn't done before for the benefit of humanity.Make it Happen,Simple as that!

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How to Be Stoically Social:My Eccentric Ruminations

" When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to                      be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."

    - Marcus Aurelius

Introduction:

By anyone's book,i could be termed as anti-social and always looking down at people from my high horse.I don't necessarily blame or abhor them for the same,as i understand consciously that i can come off as cocky and insensitive sometimes.I had sufficiently highlighted about my mild misanthropy in my previous post and how i gradually and arduously got over the hump.

 But regardless,i'll swiftly bring you up to speed about my prior condition in brevity.

Predicament of the Past:        

I had strained relations with my kin and most of the members of the homo sapiens   species,the slightest remark or gesture and i would fly off the handle and go ballistic.I ate alone (yes...all meals!) and had no friends who i can call to talk or even       ask or share the slightest issues.

Conversations with everyone would be brief and  utilitarian.I would spend long hours ogling at the glaring screen at inspirational videos,kindling dreams of making it big,that was my only quantum of solace(pun intended).I distrusted/disliked everyone....period.

Fast forward to the Present.I'm Still the Same...psych.Through stoicism i have changed socially...a lot.But before i describe my present situation,let me demonstrate how this transformation happened.This might help you with your particular predicament (if you're reading and plan to implement it,that it).

Now,the Good Stuff...

So,stoicism teaches deep introspection and analysis of the underlying and highly significant beliefs that dictate by attitude and caused my situation.Hence,i proceeded to do the same .I present my findings through a series of Stoic bullet points (for the reader's convenience and  comprehension):

1) Be a Lichen,not a Leech:Relations based on support and not need

We Grow as We Know

 Dayummm! (damn,for some of you purists), this hit me like a sledgehammer on the cranium,i thought relationships were based on need and personal motives.All my relations were exactly that, needy as hell!i always thought that friends are made so that when you have a requirement or errand to run,they can be used.

Needless to say,that was the reason i had NO solid and trustworthy bond with anyone in my life,due to my self-centred nature.I had to be contributing to a relationship like a bank account,if it was to flourish.

"Love sometimes injures. Friendship always benefits."

Relations should be made from a position of self-sufficiency and support mutual growth ,to prevent it from becoming parasitic and insidious.When i got that,i knew right away...that i got decisions to make!

2) I'm Stoic & Emotional: Gotta Love 'em All:

  

Yeah...He too Cries!

An oxymoron you say? then you obviously haven't grasped the essence of stoicism.Epictetus said that it’s the Stoic concept of “appropriate action”, in our family and civil relationships, and of the “discipline of action” through which Stoics train themselves to act justly and philanthropically, which lay to rest the misconception that they are aloof and unemotional like certain other ancient philosophers (Discourses, 3.2).

The Change maker:

Stoics espoused that humans are rational and social creatures,hence it is only appropriate to showcase natural emotions and affections towards the ones we love.We cannot escape our nature,hence we should embrace it,what we can do to prevent having severe feeling of love/infatuation for a person is to spread it out to all of humanity.They called this 'philanthropy'.This made me stop and think for a while about my misanthropy that may have been ignited from a few unfavorable incidents,that i may have generalized to an entire species and that the only way to remove it is to accept them while having a general affection and respect for all beings uniformly.This also prevent any irrational passions creeping in. I was on to something....dope!

3) Ain't Nobody Perfect :Embrace their flaws and yours

True Dat.

The Problem:
Generally speaking I was pissed off,i got irascible and impatient with the flaws and follies of others.I would blow a gasket if a person did something stupid un/intentionally,the smallest of undesirable things,would get my goat.

Change maker: 

Then i learned about The Discipline of Desire (Stoic Acceptance),that basically stated to accept everything that happens to you as it is fated,while having the wisdom to know the things you can/cannot influence.This does not mean you become a 'pushover' or as Americans call it a 'pussy'.What this means is,you can/have to do everything you can in your control to do good for yourself/humanity and embrace the result (whatever it might be) wholeheartedly. That's some deep shit..homie!,i thought,while reminiscing of Bhagvad GIta that echoed similar actions.

Action Jackson:

So,it is important to know that,the world and its inhabitants and the results of events are out of your control,the only thing in your control is your rational judgement and how you use it to make the best of the circumstances.I'm coming to grips with this reality,but its hella HARD!!

4) Keepin' It Real: Being comfortable in your skin:

Hells Yeah! 

The problem: 
I found it difficult and sometimes embarrassing to be the actual me,in front of my friends or even strangers,for that matter.I thought that i was being judged each and every moment and that being my true self,would out across a wrong message to all the people.It was getting more problematic due to the genesis of an internal conflict that deteriorated my mental status quo.

Change-maker: 
the stoics professed the doctrine of being oneself,and living in accordance so as to become on congruence with the nature.Moreover,i also understood one vital fact: they will judge no matter what and they don't know squat about you,in reality.After i understood this, i realized not to put too much weight on people's judgments and analysis because it is mostly subjective and superficial in nature.hence, i began to express myself through rap music and was unapologetic hence forth for being.... me.

5) Grow with your Whole and Soul : Holistic development through relations

Or Not ! 

Organic and Solid relations help in the all-round development of a person,as we are inherently social animals.The support of our friends and family,can encourage us to pursue our chosen endeavor with renewed vigor and can also provide a safety net during rocky patches on our lives.

Having reliable and symbiotic relations,gives confidence and assurance to experience life in all its glory and can be a liberating experience rather than a binding one.I myself,have made some strong friendships along the years which continue to pay huge dividends over periods of time.
   

What Now? : Well, you have to understand one major important thing:

 You can let people become your secret weapon that you use to achieve all your aspirations or an excuse to rationalize your lack of success. Choose One!















Peace.Harmony.Growth.

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