How to Be Stoically Social:My Eccentric Ruminations

" When you arise in the morning, think of what a precious privilege it is to                      be alive - to breathe, to think, to enjoy, to love."

    - Marcus Aurelius

Introduction:

By anyone's book,i could be termed as anti-social and always looking down at people from my high horse.I don't necessarily blame or abhor them for the same,as i understand consciously that i can come off as cocky and insensitive sometimes.I had sufficiently highlighted about my mild misanthropy in my previous post and how i gradually and arduously got over the hump.

 But regardless,i'll swiftly bring you up to speed about my prior condition in brevity.

Predicament of the Past:        

I had strained relations with my kin and most of the members of the homo sapiens   species,the slightest remark or gesture and i would fly off the handle and go ballistic.I ate alone (yes...all meals!) and had no friends who i can call to talk or even       ask or share the slightest issues.

Conversations with everyone would be brief and  utilitarian.I would spend long hours ogling at the glaring screen at inspirational videos,kindling dreams of making it big,that was my only quantum of solace(pun intended).I distrusted/disliked everyone....period.

Fast forward to the Present.I'm Still the Same...psych.Through stoicism i have changed socially...a lot.But before i describe my present situation,let me demonstrate how this transformation happened.This might help you with your particular predicament (if you're reading and plan to implement it,that it).

Now,the Good Stuff...

So,stoicism teaches deep introspection and analysis of the underlying and highly significant beliefs that dictate by attitude and caused my situation.Hence,i proceeded to do the same .I present my findings through a series of Stoic bullet points (for the reader's convenience and  comprehension):

1) Be a Lichen,not a Leech:Relations based on support and not need

We Grow as We Know

 Dayummm! (damn,for some of you purists), this hit me like a sledgehammer on the cranium,i thought relationships were based on need and personal motives.All my relations were exactly that, needy as hell!i always thought that friends are made so that when you have a requirement or errand to run,they can be used.

Needless to say,that was the reason i had NO solid and trustworthy bond with anyone in my life,due to my self-centred nature.I had to be contributing to a relationship like a bank account,if it was to flourish.

"Love sometimes injures. Friendship always benefits."

Relations should be made from a position of self-sufficiency and support mutual growth ,to prevent it from becoming parasitic and insidious.When i got that,i knew right away...that i got decisions to make!

2) I'm Stoic & Emotional: Gotta Love 'em All:

  

Yeah...He too Cries!

An oxymoron you say? then you obviously haven't grasped the essence of stoicism.Epictetus said that it’s the Stoic concept of “appropriate action”, in our family and civil relationships, and of the “discipline of action” through which Stoics train themselves to act justly and philanthropically, which lay to rest the misconception that they are aloof and unemotional like certain other ancient philosophers (Discourses, 3.2).

The Change maker:

Stoics espoused that humans are rational and social creatures,hence it is only appropriate to showcase natural emotions and affections towards the ones we love.We cannot escape our nature,hence we should embrace it,what we can do to prevent having severe feeling of love/infatuation for a person is to spread it out to all of humanity.They called this 'philanthropy'.This made me stop and think for a while about my misanthropy that may have been ignited from a few unfavorable incidents,that i may have generalized to an entire species and that the only way to remove it is to accept them while having a general affection and respect for all beings uniformly.This also prevent any irrational passions creeping in. I was on to something....dope!

3) Ain't Nobody Perfect :Embrace their flaws and yours

True Dat.

The Problem:
Generally speaking I was pissed off,i got irascible and impatient with the flaws and follies of others.I would blow a gasket if a person did something stupid un/intentionally,the smallest of undesirable things,would get my goat.

Change maker: 

Then i learned about The Discipline of Desire (Stoic Acceptance),that basically stated to accept everything that happens to you as it is fated,while having the wisdom to know the things you can/cannot influence.This does not mean you become a 'pushover' or as Americans call it a 'pussy'.What this means is,you can/have to do everything you can in your control to do good for yourself/humanity and embrace the result (whatever it might be) wholeheartedly. That's some deep shit..homie!,i thought,while reminiscing of Bhagvad GIta that echoed similar actions.

Action Jackson:

So,it is important to know that,the world and its inhabitants and the results of events are out of your control,the only thing in your control is your rational judgement and how you use it to make the best of the circumstances.I'm coming to grips with this reality,but its hella HARD!!

4) Keepin' It Real: Being comfortable in your skin:

Hells Yeah! 

The problem: 
I found it difficult and sometimes embarrassing to be the actual me,in front of my friends or even strangers,for that matter.I thought that i was being judged each and every moment and that being my true self,would out across a wrong message to all the people.It was getting more problematic due to the genesis of an internal conflict that deteriorated my mental status quo.

Change-maker: 
the stoics professed the doctrine of being oneself,and living in accordance so as to become on congruence with the nature.Moreover,i also understood one vital fact: they will judge no matter what and they don't know squat about you,in reality.After i understood this, i realized not to put too much weight on people's judgments and analysis because it is mostly subjective and superficial in nature.hence, i began to express myself through rap music and was unapologetic hence forth for being.... me.

5) Grow with your Whole and Soul : Holistic development through relations

Or Not ! 

Organic and Solid relations help in the all-round development of a person,as we are inherently social animals.The support of our friends and family,can encourage us to pursue our chosen endeavor with renewed vigor and can also provide a safety net during rocky patches on our lives.

Having reliable and symbiotic relations,gives confidence and assurance to experience life in all its glory and can be a liberating experience rather than a binding one.I myself,have made some strong friendships along the years which continue to pay huge dividends over periods of time.
   

What Now? : Well, you have to understand one major important thing:

 You can let people become your secret weapon that you use to achieve all your aspirations or an excuse to rationalize your lack of success. Choose One!















Peace.Harmony.Growth.